my own story..

I have written my story in my autobiography.. whatever has happened, why it happened.. the maximum truth possible. but when you enter into an interview room you identify that you donot need to be 100% correct.. you might be 100% wrong about your life and about yourself but you should say whatever the interviewer wants to listen.. Something that pleases your ears is easily understood, remembered and can be connected very well.. the interviewer has got a bias, like everyone of us, towards his own thought process and the life and the ideals that are supposed to be correct in the corporate world.. so saying truth is not important..

so, Ashwini.. Tell me something about yourself.. chuk it.. the first feeling comes into the mind.. why do i need to say to everyone what i am. isnt my work a testimony of what i have done.. arent you strong enough mentally to understand the gravity of the things and the sensibility of the tasks that i have performed.. no i dont.. i want you to sell yourself.. MBA is all about selling yourself.. selling yourself to the cheapest person possible..

I come from the middle class family of Kanpur. My dad is a businessman and my mom is a housewife. Two of my elder brothers are IITK alumni and are currently working in Infosys. The younger brother, who is 12 yrs younger to me, is studying in class 7th. All my schooling happened in the reputed schools of the state in Kanpur. I did fairly well in schools by getting 2nd in school, 10th in state in class 5th and 1st in school and 11th in state in 12th board exams. I joined IITK in 1999 by achieving 227 IIT-JEE rank, in Electrical Engineering department. I graduated in 2003, with a CGPA of 8.7/10.0 and joined Reliance Infocomm as an executive engineer. The major tasks that i did in my job were: led 3 teams for the network sanity checks, led a team of 3 for the routine O&M activities of the testbed, mentored, gave trainings to new employees, represented department for various activities, took active participation in the standardization of the Reliance network. I took admission in the PGDM course of IIMC in 2005, by achieving a CAT percentile of 99.90. Majorly, i did courses in finance and consulting in my 2nd year of electives. My CGPA after term4 is 5.98/9.0.

I have been involved in various organizational, social and cultural activities from school itself. In my graduation, i took the responsibility of being the placement co-ordinator of the first time constructed Placement council. I was given this task based upon my previous performance in various activities in cultural festivals, inter-hostel competitions. During my job in Reliance, i started leading teams and working on independent projects in one year of job. I initiated some of the network sanity checks, took the initiatives that helped in the cost saving for Reliance, represented my department within reliance and represented reliance in conferences. In the life at IIMC, i purposely involved myself for only 2 clubs in the first year and headed both the clubs in the 2nd year. One is Persona: related to personality development in IIMC where i launched the new stream of the youngest club of the campus, the other one is the social initiative INCA where i handled the consulting projects and worked for strategic partnership with organizations. I also involved myself with the Intaglio in the second year, handling the responsibility of designing of site, posters etc. I helped the team in various functions as well, e.g., events, vendor interaction.

Would talk about the goals, interests, hobbies in subsequent posts. :-)

Final End of a Great time Together with all these friends.

Another nightout. :-)

Sometimes i wonder.. did i ever think about it or i have thought more about these topics than anyone else here.. the purpose of the life.. each and everyday that comes to you gives you some more opportunity to bring some change in the way you are living or the environment that belongs to you. but do i do anything for any of these except doing some random crap bakar through different channels.. but again, is discussing is actually bad..

Did a similar thing all night.. and definitely enjoyed it to the core.. but there was no output as such. could be the benefit is intangible. may be i got to know a person more and i got to learn a new point of view or i argued with logic for quite a lot of time and later lost the track or it showed that i have become more rigid or this is acting as a feedback for me about what should be done or its a feedback of what shouldnt be done.. overall there had been so many things that i could say that there was some gain and the cost was just the sleep which i can manage anytime.. at least this is what i believe the most about myself..

Just wondering.. wont this be a great place to prepare all the personal questions for the interview.. it is.. and would utilize it from this night only.. :-)

Rang De Basanti....

Its been more than a week.. all the scenes are still clear... what was that?? what a great imagination. a solid story.. Naye Rang Bharne ko.. Khoon chala.. to where? and who?? whose blood is it?? why?? and how is it possible?? there are so many questions related to the movie.. whether its really possible to do what they have done.. or is it really justified.. but then.. is it always necessary to justify whatever you are showing..

The importance of Arts has never been what you are showing.. the main agenda of an Art has never been the explicit thought that it provides.. the Art is not about saying the things straight.. Arts is not just telling... Arts is not just the expression of ideas.. its more deep.. its more implicit.. there are so many things that you have to imagine.. assume.. to go the central theme.. the theme might be totally different from what the movie is showing.. the theme might not be addressed in exact words...

A story of 5 mad people.. a foreign lady.. and an indian sweet girl... the people with no aim.. directionless.. all heros in the place where they belong.. but clearly know that the real life is much more challenging.. they wont be able to compete with that.. moreover, no option available too... the seriousness is missing.. the life is restricted to just fun and frolic.. they get chance.. but they didnt seem to be serious about this opportunity.. after sometime they could relate to the work they were assigned.. passions built up.. and then the aim of life is decided... overall good portray of the message.. Have some aim in life.. direct your energy.. work for it.. in all... aim for moon.. in the end you would end up getting which you could never think of...

Yes.. i do..

We read so many things daily.. we get something about it.. but most of this goes as waste.. human mind is not capable to store so many thing... analyse so much.. in the end, the efficiency so less.. This is one part of the waste that i do daily.. apart from this, i waste so much time doing nothing.. learning absolutely nothing.. progress stagnated..
Everyday starts with nothing.. absoultely BLANK.. sometimes i become surprised when i get up.. i always get up with some shock... phew.... and i get up.. and then it takes a few seconds to realise myself.. who i am and where i am and why i have got up this time.. seems like some mental problem or i always get involved with my dreams so much.. and as my sleep has never been sound.. i always get a shock when i get up... then what?? whats the plan of the day.. never made.. thought about it many a times but never had courage to give it in pen and paper.. some fear is there.. quite unknown... something which has gone to its core.. i dont want to dig it and it never comes to the surface as well... so leave it in peace where it is.. i am not bothered..
Was reading a text file written by me.. 'feelings'.. one of the most pious feelings that i have ever received.. ever thought.. the question is still unknown... had asked the question many a times to myself but never got any answer for this.. always thought that the time would tell... and it always remains.. a never beginging of the answer.. a never end of the thinking...... so time passes by and i wait to let it pass..
but still i say.. still... yes.. i do.............

nothing helps a bad mood as spreading it around.. :D

Reading the line
" Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life" doesnt make any sense... It does make a bit of sense for my day.. saying that.. its my so called horoscope for the day,it does make me think about the day that just passed out.. and the day reminds me of the concept that i have given.. "Male Period"..
Was thinking to write blog today. why??? donno.. but really after so many days i again felt a down turn.. reasons. unknown.. trying to find out but nothing more than "Male Period"... whts that??
Opened my blog to write.. but somehow i got to open Sadana's blog.. coincidence.. he has just written an entry in his blog as well.. happened to read more of his and my thinking matched with one of his blogs.. why this happens... why a person feels sad without any reason.. when everything is fine all around him.. when there is nothing to worry about.. or may be there is but nothing to worry at present.. its all for future.. or the past which has already gone..nothing related to the present.. but saying this is again contradicting the continuity of the team and believing that nothing happens arbitrily.. there are links.. may you cannot see them..

lots of discussions on the issues which are related to each and every person of the campus.. for some people it has got more value.. as this is related to their career path.. for some its even more important as this would decide whether they would be able to start a career after "passing" out of this place.. what about me? i donno.. but being an event manager has always been a work that i love to do.. and i am damn good in it... there are other issues.. some "would that" or "had i".. or time.. cant say.. lets bear it as it had to happen.. considering you made so many mistakes.. like unforced errors in a tennis match...

Reading one of the blogs.. there are always comments about the events.. that reminds of the three thinking techniques which i happend to encounter as a theory of someone close to me... dont remember who told me that.. the topic of the "topic of the discussion".. for an average person its always 'people'.. for a good thinking person.. its 'events'.. and for genius people.. its 'ideas'.. but these cannot be said as the three distinct sets..as ideas cannot be discussed without involving people and always this is based upon some incidents.. so events, people and ideas define the sensibility of the discussion... I remember 'him', often saying that there are two kind of toppers.. one, who are born intelligent.. others, who work hard to be in the pace.. i guess 'he' has done a very well job.. at least from the outside view....whats the reality.. but again.. is reality always necessary?? what the hell is all thing..

Recently had a hot discussion on the "sense" of the movie.. many people just go on the scenes that are shown.. moreover, they know that the message or the sense of the movie/story may not be that visible.. you might have to dig things to get something valuable of it.. but even then they cant think to feel the sense.... moreover they claim and question the thinking of the other person.. whats all this? dont you see the kind of immaturity of the thought process somewhere.. somewhere something is missing.. the links are not there.. the thinking is misleading.. i can say.. there is no thinking involved to think of such rubbish thinking..

Whats all this?? I guess CnH has very well said..

"nothing helps a bad mood as spreading it around.. :D"....... really this is all about the matter written here... enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Blogging the blog..

Now when i am writing something here.. the one thing is keep coming in my mind.. the need of the platform and how the person can effectively use it.. had a discussion with one of my friends regarding the importance of writers in general. and the use of blogs in particular. .. naturally the comments from me were biased as i had just my view.. though i was able to convince the person, i started thinking in the same line.. and realised that whts the scope of different norms and moreover whats the use of it as well.. is the writers responsibility to give good everytime... or is it the case that the writer can write anything... without the explanation of the views.. the idea of the blog is considered to be different.. its like an informal diary but its made available for the people to read and comment at the same time. but what would happen if a writer comes here and starts writing something with the proclaimed fame of being a writer.. I started thinking on this line and i realised that the writers also need some informal place to express their ideas but in that case the writer is not a writer. he/she is a just common human being.. "the" 'writer' is now "a" 'person'.. and this a person can openly express its ideas, feelings and comments.. but in that case the writer should clearly identify him/herself as just a common person.. but wht if the entry to the blog is also as a writer... then what should be the behavior.. what i was thinking could be totally weird to read... but if the person is claiming to be a writer even on blog then the writings should also be mixed. the mood should change and the style should too.. the writer can follow a particular school of writings but for the common people the obligation is that it should have some mix of different feelings and thoughts.. so in that case the particular school of writing is no more applicable..

The writer's work is to show life.. how it changes, how it works.. how it is good.. and what makes it bad.. all the colors and tones should be there then only there would be a good complete picutre and good composed music as well..............

Do i need one everytime???????

Term one is over. so fast.. Now the world looks more familiar. but there seems no change between the terms.. i think this is the main reason for NOT having freshness even when this is a new term... We have our own biases and very quickly we stereotyped profs within 10 min.. only one prof is able to click my mind. all others are partially sick or trying to be effective teacher... the prof of Organization theory is not himself organised.. and the cost accounting prof seems to have zero value.. the macroeconomics is below poverty line for the student-facility dialogue during the class hour.. wht else.. the ISS prof is good. but his subject doesnt give me drive. may be till mid term i could add one more subject as my likeness.. i hope so..
many works to do.. before the end of this term, the futures would be decided. the initiatives have been taken. pressure is increasing.. pressure to be competent to the world which is still unseen.. the world of a manager.. the technical knowledge which is never supposed to be technical by us.. the interview which is supposed to last for hours to pick u or to leave u for some other slots. to be taken by some other field people.. but what i want?? a summer interns in finance?? or a summers which would give me some knowledge and opporunity to choose my career.. I think this is the best way you can just go and check whether you are really gonna like the future that u want... or try something else.. the future contract has to be signed in the november but before that i have to hedge myself. so that i will get the most of it.. Hope all goes well... and meanwhile... my bombay trip.. :-)

"The use of mental imagery is one the most strongest and the most effective strategies for making something happen for you..."
or to say
"Imagination is more important than knowledge"..
But what i have seen in last 2-3 days is beyond imagination by anybody and this was without imagination at all.. the kind of work was pathetic and made me think whether anyone... really has anyone has thought ever to what the person is doing it again and again. May be the group of the persons who had started had thought over it and they proposed this scene.. Now, nothing is changed.. as i think.

Was reading a story sent by Mr. Khaitan, aka Frankenstein... The story was of guy who preferred to be away from all this environment.. So called Country environment by him.. and finally in the company interview he was asked about all these things only... The story says that "he got all wrong".. why do you want to say it Wrong.. just because the person wanted and opted to be away from all this.... whats wrong in believing and doing so.. And that too considering the environment as "country" only.. i dont agree. this all seems to be more egotistic rather than being Kuntry... moreover why will u be so excited just to see them(XL) cheering their guys. Cant u choose a simple and plain language to reply them back.. why dont u use the same thing when u join the company. why do u always want to indulge in a dual life standard.. A new kinda hypocrisy. A Hypocrisy of the society.. of a group of people. of people who cannot think over it again... and believe that they are so called modern.. when they curse the old tradition.. just because those all are the old fashioned thing... but just think.. that is also a tradition.. get yourself involved in Child marriages, Sati and all the rubbish things that used to part of the "tradition".. then you simply that its not possible.. once again simple hypocrisy.. but can i really tell all these people that they should start thinking in a different direction. .. i just tried to start something today.. wrote a mail to the person who seems to be quite interested to do so.. and a mail to the group.. noone has replied till now..... was that the case in the job.. or in IIT.. people really want to talk and dont want to do anything.. ideas dont click or if they click they are not following just coz of the culture and tradition..

At this time i can think of Krishna and Bhishma..Bhishma was following tradition. Krishna was iconoclast.. and sometimes you have to be like Krishna... The environment at the time of Ram was different and he had to be a "Maryada Purushottam". This was not the case with Krishna.. Someone has to come forward to give the changes or just show the second side of the coin... but how?? a big confusion.. :-(

But...

Hum bhi shaamil ho gaye jugnuon ke jaloos mein,
unki hee agwayee humein kabool ho gayee...

I dont want this to happen with me.. I am confident and need people...

Probabililty always leads to uncertanity

Whats the probability that i would get full in the Stats paper.. it was 1 ( as judeged by me) when i was giving the exam and just when i left from the examination hall.. i was walking down the road and suddenly "that" question into my mind( amazingly.. i know i have a great sixth sense.. but always.. hows it possible... once again uncertainity for others.... certain for me. :-)) and i knew that i had made a mistake.. and yes i did. That was a very bad mistake and simply there is a binary marking, now its totally certain that i wont get an Abs.....

"Abs".. someone is "abs".. hope the person reads it someday.. :-)

Tomorrow its Financial Accounting.. Unlike other paper.. its a full of endless concepts and i know its really hard to be in sync with all those.. I am trying as this is something which gives really a wonderful feeling (after Economics) for the markets and about the Business.... Somethins really challenging and definitely a "motivator" in the Hyzberg Theory.. :-)

For a short snap and then a Marathon till its 12:30 pm on 5th Aug 2005....

May God bless all the people of Mumbai.... for what they are seeing and moreover for what is predicted for tomorrow... I hope there is "life" there in Mumbai "day after tomorrow" with probability 1 and it doesnt rain abnormally with full certainity.. Amen...............

Mohabbtein Lutaaonga

Is title always important?? or even the name!!! It happened today.. I lost my "username"... was shocking.. always used to use 'ashkd' and it was not working. was shocking for the self-proclaimed memory in TB and speed in THz... all the processors were down and had to take the help of the "recover username".. well.. i got it finally...

now the title.. "Mohabbtein Lutaaonga"... just a few minutes back i wrote something.... "Life is too short to relax and too long to wait for those relaxed moments".. When i think that i wont get the time to even relax then will i be able to "Mohabbtein Lutaaonga"..!!!!!!!! dont know. was reading one of the blogs of a friend.. she had written about the marriages of "unknown" friends(at least for me)..yesterday night i came to know that a few were "known".. and in the afternoon i got a few more info about those "known" ones.. I remember and quite a few time use also... "duniya bahut chhoti hai".. think this is the all what the reality is.... And if the world is really chhoti then definitely "Mohabbtein Lutaaonga".. no doubt.. more confident and happy now... why does this always happen!!! after writing something about the present state i feel very very relaxed.. at least good for me... :-)

Whats happening to the Earth???

Mera Mumbai.. :-((

Mid Term after 2 and Half years

So finally got registered in this "blog", supposedly the site being used by most of the bloggers... The last blog written was just before leaving the Reliance. The company that gave me a lot to sit and relax and recall all those happy moments and the time that "we" shared.. I was looking at one of those posts and was reading the mail of a friend. Things have changed a lot. was used to not to sit at one place and thought of being silent.. no way. Now i am sitting in my room for more than 5 hrs. and had a few chats with people here. City.. outing.. gosh.. its been 4 weeks we went out of the campus gate.. movies.. which movie is releasing?? or which all movies were released last month.. :-/ no idea.. No salary since last month. :-(.. The entire mumbai is flooded.. and i am here..seeing those photos of the campus.. AND preparing for the exams. back to student life.. mid term exams.. after 2 and half years. again differences.. Those were techincal papers.. And i am reading the organizationl behavior... Shit. all my research is gone waste... all my concepts are already covered in the theory.. but why a written exam in such a paper. You should get the recommendations from your work group and your superiors as this is not just the theory. You need to have the correct application.. This is the most important thing. and when i see all those just-graduated people arguing vaguely in the class,i could only smile.. and hope that they would follow all the things once they are in the organization. Then they would not complain that this is all theory.. They wouldnt say that 98% people dont follow it.. so they wouldnt again. I wish they dont forget that before giving the Authority you need to give the training and give the support.. They would be more friendly in dealing with peers and more caring for the juniors and sub-ordinates.. that they would not fear to say something logical even against their superiors.. that they would give kind ears to the concerns of their juniors.. and what not.. let them get all the "virtues" to be said as the lovable manager. .. Now back to studies.. :-)