Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Worse than the total agony of being in love?

The remote doesn’t stop at one channel. She has been trying to divert her mind, but whatever had happened in the morning was troubling her. Though getting hit by her husband was a ritual of the day, tradition of the night; still, the blood oozing out from the deep cut on her right cheek hurts, at least physically. Her heart was not trembling; it was not scared. These are those emotions which she had made subdued a long unknown. May be she didn’t care anymore. But, only for her, she is good; a good mother she is; at least in those cute little eyes. She is or she is not; she doesn’t care about that also. There is only one person in the world, whom she loves, deep down her heart. That’s what people think , or may be most of the times she also makes her feel the same. Umm, no, but there are two.

And, with this thought she realized that her heart still pumps blood. She still has sensations. She doesn’t have idle limbs, she doesn’t have the lethargic brain, she doesn’t just have tattering legs, and she does have feelings. She feels for those lost emotions that transformed her. She recalls those untouched touches which made her a lady.

The tickling of high heart beats gave her life and she again accepted that she still loves someone. He is someone, whom she doesn’t care like a kid, but like a partner; with whom she could herself like to be a little doll who enjoys pampering; who loved her for what she was, not for what her beauty prevails; who accepted her in the way she wanted her to be accepted. She felt the passion again which is far beyond the daily care of her husband’s tantrums; her affection for ‘ankoo’ her daughter; her sobbing of daily monotonous constant grief; the compassion for the uselessness of her own existence; her own senselessness of lost sensibility. It was a sense of fullness, and acceptance of surrender, a unique way of losing the possession of her ‘self’.

Pankhuri was no longer a teenager, nor even a young look-a-like woman. Her heart is still very young with adventure, love and passion.

It was then, she got stuck. It wasn’t her imagination, it was surreal. The picture was seen on every channel, of an accident. The victim was a big businessman, a renowned celebrity, Prasoon. And again, she felt all those sensations. She felt to cry of fear; for the fear of losing someone whom she had already lost but had the hope to see some time in the future; as they lived in the same planet. They were, Prasoon-Pankhuri or Pankhuri-Prasoon.


Kaddu said...

Hey I just noticed... I am a follower of ur blog since sometime now... but the last post my Google Reader shows for u is "Move On"... posted in May end!

How come none of ur other posts have been updated in the Google Reader feed? All the other blogs I follow get updated in my GReader within 4-5 hours of fresh posts! Did u make any major changes to ur blog arnd then? What shud I do now to get ur blog feed updated?

preposterous girl said...

Hey Ashwini..
Kaddu is right.I just checked my reader, even I'm not getting ur updates after "Move On" .
i almost daily used to check ur blog during our initial platform days (#nostalgia - yeah I'm a twitteraddicted) :P so it didnt really affect me..
May be we need to subscribe again .

ashkd said...

@ Kaddu..

I really dont have any major idea of it.. :-( i didnt do any major change.. i also get this problem for some of the blogs. lets blame Blogger for it.. hehe.. :P

PG tried re-subscribing it.. you try and do let me know!! :-)

Anonymous said...

saryy....but wats the context of post??


preposterous girl said...

Hmm.. ye kal se ho raha hai..I thought mere browser mein kuch prob hogi..Ads hata ke dobara laga ke dekho ..

ashkd said...

@ all the crap.. the context would be known soon.. it would be a sequence.. :-)

Megha said...

Very touching. Nice one.

I read some complaints about reader is not getting updated with the latest post. I suggest you to use ping.in after every posting. This pings the search engines and directories. Try and check if it makes difference. Also in Reader, if you hit refresh for a subscription, it gets updated.

Keep writing. Happy blogging :)

preposterous girl said...

I havent seen ur sketches.. This fiction work now asking me to ask u for ur sketches.. Do something..
And applause for the post :)

ashkd said...

@ Megha..

Thanks for dropping by and appreciations. and thanks for the advice. I guess now the update is working properly.. do visit more and comments are surely welcome.. :-)

Happy blogging to you with both your lovely blogs.. :-)

ashkd said...

@ Kaddu..

i got to know from twitter and from PG that now you are getting the updates for my blog. keep visiting and now i hope to get comments from you.. :-)

Whats In A Name said...

THe blog looks cool now!!!!


ashkd said...

@ Whats in a name..

Thanks for the help.. :-) the blog is waiting for the comment for the post as well. :P