the inferiority complex.. this is the new thing in me.. and when i think more about it, i get it even more.. daily.. continuosuly.. yesterday i wrote the diary and read a few old ones.. i wrote about constancy.. thats the killing experience.. moreover, if i would say that there is constancy in most of the things, others are not growing either.. except the depression.. loss.. lostlessness..darkness.. loneliness.. the black dark at the end of the road.. a road that gets blocked.. not like a tunnel where the end is brighter.. its an end.. a dead end. and i am getting closer to it every day.. now i dont bother about even lizards moving on me.. i dont need to care about it.. its like a flat tyre running on the road.. the only thing that it can produce is spark.. and it has to be stopped..eventually.. the worst feeling.. i feel that i cant be loved.. i am not to be loved.. i am too bad to be loved.. i dont deserve it either.. i am not designed for it.. now i do make so many mistakes while typing also.. i dont want to this also.. happy. gushy feelings.. nah.. God must have been something else while decorating the life of mine.. i dont blame to Her also.. why should i.. i dont want that also.. its like that the river had started with full force.. ramping on the falls.. cutting edges.. suddenly the plain has come.. and its stopped.. why suddenly.. then there is the end also.. and the river is about to meet its end very soon.. eventually..
i am watching a movie.. i dont want to watch that also.. its one of the hits of the year.. everyone loves it.. i am indifferent.. i dont want it either.. moreover i dont want to put this write up on the blog.. not this time.. nah!!
1 comment:
oops!! i'm confused :O
do u want to read this comment? i think so.....do u want to accept it...i hope so.
it seems that somebody has started
looking at himself the way others
want him to. stop comparing what u
have to what ppl expect u to have.
your statement "its one of the hits
of the year..everyone loves it.. i
am indifferent" proves it. y do u
care if it was a hit. y do u care
if She was "something else" while
decorating ur life.
everything ends
"eventually", but u know that it's
not the end but the journey that
matters. and in this phase of ur
life, the river has not "stopped",
it's turning direction, toward
something new, something different,
different from everyone's
expectations, but deep down u know
it's moving, and it would,
perpetually.
P.S.: I hope i didn't misunderstand
what u wanted to say
Post a Comment