crush.. infatuation.. juhiiiiiiii..alinaaaaaaaaaaa

who is she?? she is a "common" girl.. she was.. not anymore.. she is celebrity.. not till now.. might be in the making.. she is one of the twin sisters.. she is shy, cool, dusky, straight forward, stands for herself, has self pride.. sometimes shaky and doesn't know how to react.. she is learning.. she wants to learn... not a slow-and-steady-wins the race types.. if you can run fast then why to go slow.. she is thinking to run fast and might be tumbling at points.. granted.. this much for learning from your own mistakes and going gradually up..

and the most important point.. she is the 2nd celebrity (kind of.. ok.. lets say a-seen-on-TV girl) who made my heart to stop irregularly.. my eyes to stop moving in curiosity.. the remote to go somewhere hidden as it was not required till the time she was on screen.. and me watching the same show thrice daily (on some days... ) She is Alina.. Alina Wadiawalla..

first TV-crush cum infatuation cum loosing your senses cum slow motions of pahla nasha pahla khumar.. at the age of 12.. with Juhi.. the first time for me.. the second is now for Alina.. at 26.. peoplesay you learn as you grow.. but for me, its just like old fashion or history which repeats itself after sometime.. that was fun for months.. the timelag or the so called maturity doesnt let me to go to that stage.. this much for crossing an age and gaining some sensibilty, if there any in me..

Meanwhile.. i was thinking about three things..

1. recently another virgo, Ms Kareena Kapoor had her birthday.. she turned 28.. I think Amrita singh must have been around this age only when she got married to Saif... So when he was 23 something he loved a 28 something girl.. now he is 40+ and still loves 28 something girl.. hmmm.. does he love anyone or its just the age that he loves.. :P

2. just like archimedes, i also think most creatively when i take a bath.. and unlike him, i learn new things and innovation while i sleep..

i was taking a bath and i realised that most of the names of hindustani girls have a trend.. if their name starts with the letter 'A' then there is very very high probability that the name would end with the letter 'A' or 'I'.. like AlinA.. AsthA.. ApoorvA.. AartI.. AradhnA.. AnamikA.. AyushI.. ArushI.. etc.. exceptions.. Aeman.. Annu..(abhi suggested this one) this gave the thought to second thinking..

3. Why do girls have their last alphabet at a higher note.. 'I', 'A' or 'U' generally.. i think in older times, the girls must have been shouted regularly for hourework or in general also.. like.. arre Annuuuuuuuuuuuuu suno zara.. or any other thing.. in those times shouting a boy's name would have been thought very bad.. so their name is mostly with the ending letter in a lower tone.. you cannot shout those names..

BUT.. the time has come for equality so guys are also having names which can be shouted.. and i am torch bearer of the modern age... i am proud of myself for this... :-) Ashwiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiii :P

words popping.. here and there.. as they want..

snapshots of my diary...

from someone to me..

22/06/2006

just chill khush raho dear. jai mata di

06/07/2006

Kamal ho tussi :-) :-) :-)

06/08/2006

My friendship is not like rain that pours & goes but its more like the air sometime keeps quiet but its always there around 'u'..

31/08/2006

Good m'ning. Have a nice stay :-)

02/09/2006

Nahi yaar still there.. 25 mins to go :)

03/09/2006

:).. Abhi 2328.. Good night and happy birthday again..

03/09/2006

A Birthday wish for real happiness :-) For today and all year through. Happy B'day dear. May MATA bless u always. jai mata di.

03/09/2006

Ok ji.. Finally we coordinate.. :P


start of 2007..

To write anything about life at IIMC in last two years frightens me from inside. It gives me enough discouragement to not to be brave to do any kind of justice to what had happened.. there are some things which i clearly donot want to write, discuss or let it be known by any stranger.. Was there any dream in mind to come here.. was it just another decision.. The decision was proper and more-or-less that is also achieved..


April 2007

Do we need to think about everything in life.. yes.. we do need to think about the things which matter but what about things which are never there.. which are only your assumptions and fear.. Is the word 'karma' is not that important that you start worrying about smaller issues.. And then, those smaller issues become so important that you forget the main thing..

End April 2007

I couldn't make it to his wedding.. wanted to go but i think that it was not on my cards..

23/07/2007

there are different equations being solved simultaneously but every equation thinks that it is the one which would decide the final solution.. Its the biggest myth of the life that we donot see the big picture..
----
Have to update myself.. have to update people as well.. Lot to do.. let the life be hectic.. I love to be in that state..

27/07/2007

There are people who want to be get attached with me, trying for long.. I am still not thinking in any of such directions.. And, some people still remind me of 8 year old stories... I just wonder most of the times, what she be doing just now..

28/07/2007

Another day starts with a similar bubble in the stomach.. This bubble is of inaction or of the fear of what is to be done next..
---
I donot really want help from anyone right now.. Till the time permits.. till the will power lasts.. till there is strength in me.. I would drive myself with self-respect and self-confidence.. I just want these from almightly, God..


07/08/2007

I really enjoy and Love talking to Princess.. Its a very happy feeling for me always..

Veronica decides to die!! n lives in shadow.. forever!!

the inferiority complex.. this is the new thing in me.. and when i think more about it, i get it even more.. daily.. continuosuly.. yesterday i wrote the diary and read a few old ones.. i wrote about constancy.. thats the killing experience.. moreover, if i would say that there is constancy in most of the things, others are not growing either.. except the depression.. loss.. lostlessness..darkness.. loneliness.. the black dark at the end of the road.. a road that gets blocked.. not like a tunnel where the end is brighter.. its an end.. a dead end. and i am getting closer to it every day.. now i dont bother about even lizards moving on me.. i dont need to care about it.. its like a flat tyre running on the road.. the only thing that it can produce is spark.. and it has to be stopped..eventually.. the worst feeling.. i feel that i cant be loved.. i am not to be loved.. i am too bad to be loved.. i dont deserve it either.. i am not designed for it.. now i do make so many mistakes while typing also.. i dont want to this also.. happy. gushy feelings.. nah.. God must have been something else while decorating the life of mine.. i dont blame to Her also.. why should i.. i dont want that also.. its like that the river had started with full force.. ramping on the falls.. cutting edges.. suddenly the plain has come.. and its stopped.. why suddenly.. then there is the end also.. and the river is about to meet its end very soon.. eventually..

i am watching a movie.. i dont want to watch that also.. its one of the hits of the year.. everyone loves it.. i am indifferent.. i dont want it either.. moreover i dont want to put this write up on the blog.. not this time.. nah!!

Why God Made Little Boys...

God made a world out of his dreams,

Of magic mountains, oceans and streams,

Prairies and plains and wooded land,

Then paused and thought,

"I need someone to stand,

On top of the mountains to conquer the seas,

Explore the plains and climb the trees,

Someone to start out small and grow,

Sturdy, strong like tree" and so...,

He created boys, full of spirit and fun,

To explore and conquer, to romp and run,

With dirty faces, banged up chins,

With courageous hearts and boyish grins,

When He had completed the task He'd begun,

He surely said,

That's a job Well Done...

Drive Safely...

Drive safely.. Its better said than done.. I did another mistake after approximately 6 months.. though this time the effect was not that much.. I didn't hit anyone.. but if I had hit, this would have been a big accident because of my over-speed.. and the logic for that speed was that I was not feeling well.. was a bit frustrated.. slightly angry.. this shouldn’t have been the case.. I should have taken proper care.. I shouldn’t have done it.. it’s a guilty feeling that I am going through with.. I lost temper.. for some 30 seconds.. and those seconds could have turned to become a big mistake.. have cool.. calm temper.. specially while you are on road..

When you know that people are not having sense of traffic.. when they see that some vehicle is coming.. even then they are very very slow on the road and stop at middle as well.. isn’t it their responsibility to have some sense while walking down the road.. I know that I should have my onus.. I should be at the best while driving or anything.. why to expect that the other person would act rationally.. the only thing that I can do is to be rational from my side itself.. this is a great learning for me for the day.. I should take the proper care while handling such small streets..

The day was very good yesterday.. it had many shades.. some light moments.. some talks.. some masti.. some gyan.. some chilling out time with some friends.. some discussions.. some events sharing.. some thoughts.. some time-pass.. some random bakwas of other people who are just playing politics within the locality.. some detective work.. some frustration of the after effect of it.. some messaging.. some calls.. and at the end of the day.. the same sleepless night.. this time it was completely sleepless.. spent the entire night just waiting for the morning.. but as usual it took those many hours that it normally takes.. and had to be up to bear the patience of waiting throughout.. thought to start internet again.. write something.. but before that I wanted to have some conversations with a couple of friends.. which I haven’t yet done.. there is priority list in those two people.. I am still not through with the first one..

The day has started with clouds.. the weather is better.. there is smell of paint as office is getting painted before the new batches start.. I am still escapist.. but I am doing something so that I won’t be escapist when the time would require me not to be.. the path from home to office is still the same.. the people on the road are slightly more coz of the weather.. my home is looking a colored canvass after the holi.. Its not looking bad but it should have been looking better, had I taken the right decision.. the roads are still showing the signs of Holika dahan.. some ashes.. some bricks.. some logs are still lying there..

~ A new day has come!!!

the mounts... and the beauty...

Surprisingly enough.. I am again here.. within the same day.. in some hours only.. I was reading a blog of one of the friends of my friend..

It was a complete story of the adventure that they had during their college days.. this reminded me of many trips that I had been through till now in my life.. those were just amazing just like he has mentioned and described in his blog.. one of the most recent ones is the one we had last year.. same days.. 3rd week of march.. just after the placements.. when we were totally chilled out.. not thinking about anything. Enjoying the craziest things in life.. having conversation which were not about anything.. evening cricket.. watching movies.. everyday, the dinner was out.. and we had common passion to live the last days of the campus life at our best..

Now its been a year almost and the memories are not seen on the faces of all of us.. we have moved to different lifestyles.. people are working and having endless work on the day time and most of them prefer saying good night as early as 11 in the night.. (oops!! We couldn’t never think of going to sleep at 11 in campus.. we could have thought to get up at this time and do all kind of night out kind of things to keep our souls satisfied that we didn't waste time in the night.. :-) ) the special effect while returning back was very frightening.. I could feel the grip of pranky’s hand on my leg which was showing his fear on those curvy paths of Sikkim in the completely foggy roads and the car running at an amazing speed of more than 70 kmph, just following the truck moving just ahead of us… the only thing that we could see was the rear lights of that truck and the distance was not even 3-4 meters.. everyone of us just seeing in front as if the TV is on in the night and lights are also off of the room.. we were just praying that we should reach safely to the end of the road.. Priyanka, for the first time, tied the seat belt.. on one of the corners, the car was very very close to jump off the road to the river at unknown deep height.. finally, after half an hour, we could see the fog getting clear.. we all had happy smile on our faces.. we could see the road now.. those paths were looking very normal now which were very scary in the normal circumstances.. and most importantly, we had complete confidence on the driver now.. he was now our hero.. an expert and a complete life saver for all of us..

Though this incidence might seem a scary one, I had been to two near death experiences in just two days of difference.. these two incidences were again in Sikkim only.. in my very first trip to the place, under the guidance of Malli mastan babu.. the first one was my mistake and the second one was the crazy decision of Malli..

I have been to Sikkim three times now and I enjoyed each and every bit of it.. the mountain ranges of Himalaya.. the paths.. the weather.. the ultimate greenery.. small falls.. big falls.. the cold water.. low air.. borders.. red plants.. the low density of population.. Monuments.. food.. the shopping areas.. the night picturesque scenes.. special walks.. special talks.. gift items.. there is so much of life in every bit of Sikkim that you want to live it.. be there..

I liked the trekking to Gomukh as well.. that trek was a courageous trek.. it was about sweat.. constant walk.. lesser picturesque moments.. but those were special.. really special.. the white mounts.. the brown mounts.. the green mounts.. all shades at one place.. the places where greenery is not visible that much.. but the sun light was so much that you wont be able to open your eyes properly.. an ultimate chilly night.. and so much headaches of all the people.. the scene of the glacier was amazing as well.. and the flow of Ganga at the tip of it was much bigger to imagine..

There was a feeling of conscience in uttaranchal.. while Sikkim makes you to be lost in the beauty.. the greenery of Sikkim makes your heart to melt at every place.. the mounts of Uttaranchal make you feel proud and grow big like those sky touching giants.. the vastness of Uttaranchal is the logical bend of mind.. Sikkim is the emotional touch of human beauty.. You can meditate in Uttaranchal but you cannot do anything other than to be in love for Sikkim..

~ its being happy.. being successful.. being proud.. being humble.. trying to be with life.. making life altogether.. the life is beautiful.. live it at every moment..

A useless creature i am!!!

Sometimes I feel that I am useless.. they are right.. I need a psychiatrist... Do I need to do things which I am doing.. why is it very important for me to give the structure to anybody’s life.. I am busy helping people for all their worldly and psychological problems.. I try to make them think.. but is it very important for people to think.. there are many people who are not thinking anything.. they are just going with the flow of the life and they are not even bothered to think about whether they are really happy or not.. they have never thought about this "thinking" phenomenon as well.. so... is it very important to think..

today I had gone to a village in the morning.. some 30 kms from kanpur.. I saw a bhains.. it was busy eating.. just standing on 4 legs.. without moving.. there was a very slow motion of the movement of its neck.. whether it was a deliberate attempt to move or not but it moved.. there was a rope on the neck.. on the face as well.. it was all its destiny.. I thought about myself to have such a rope around me.. me standing at one place.. having nothing to think about.. having no newspaper.. no site.. no one of my community all around me.. I am busy eating.. and then just relaxing.. and then there is no thinking about anything.. I am scolded.. I am taken to places without my consent.. I am asked to do all those things which I could never correlate with myself.. it could be a kind of exploration for the world.. an unknown world for me.. an expedition.. but what’s the end of this expedition.. just another bucket full of food.. and then.. nothing else.. I tried to look at its eyes.. it was red.. someone might have put some holi color on it.. but she couldn’t say anything.. nor had gone to wash it away.. nature has given everyone a tendency to remove anything bad for the eyes by the means of tears... it must have done the same thing.. it was not too eager to get the relief at then and there.. unlike we human being.. who want that these kinds of unnatural elements should be removed from the body as soon as possible.. suddenly there was some action.. something was itching at its face.. it moved the last leg and did some itching.. that was again a very slow movement.. what is the case with the mosquitoes.. those might be sitting at those places where it cannot do anything to remove them at all.. but is it bothered about anything.. doing all those things which are required for any living creature.. and that’s it.. except that.. nothing else.. what’s the importance of so many animals in the world.. they have different works for the balance of the nature.. it makes a place where you can see and admire the beauty of the world.. these animals are providing you something which you might be using somewhere in the daily routine.. but what’s the importance of all those for them... isn’t it the case that the world is created for human beings.. isn’t the case that we have got the art to utilize everything based upon own requirement.. at the end of the day, we don’t bother what the animals are getting.. except a bucket full of food.. some place to sit.. that’s it...

but are we supposed to take care of everything of theirs.. are we supposed to make them intellectually strong.. is it possible to do such things.. would they respond in the proper manner.. bottom line.. would there be any difference that we can make by anything other than what we are doing at present.. I am not sure completely but there are very very high chances that all this would be a fruitless exercise for them all in general..

coming back to the original theme.. people and their thinking.. can I correlate them with this kind of a bhains.. not exactly.. but people who are not thinking anything, those are not very different from these creatures.. as they are driven and ridden by the worldly forces to every place.. without knowing where they are heading.. with whom they are moving.. and they don’t need anything other than a bucket full of money to sit idle.. relax in the life as its going..

The same dilemma.. am I supposed to do all this thing.. Moreover, it isn’t a job I have chosen.. its something which I am good at.. and then I enjoy doing it.. people in the end don’t think about anything and it seemed that they didn't need the thinking which I was teaching them.. but the worst part is that they didn't realize it when they were in the learning phase… so what should I do?? It makes me feel that I am not fit for any relation.. Sometimes I feel that I am an idealist.. Perfectionist.. I am.. but I don't put all this on to people.. I want them to happy.. and I want them to think to be happy every time.. it’s a state which is made possible only by them.. not by anybody.. and for them its very important to constantly think about being happy…

~ Be happy!! Always.. :-)

Comp.. ads.. soaps.. happiness..

I love this idiot box.. is it just because there is some possibility of some creativity.. or because there are more activities.. or because there is internet here.. and music.. and movies.. and most importantly there is choice of mine to decide on things.. the customization provided by the computer makes me more towards it as compared (finally the thing comes.. ) to TV..

but when I drive, I don’t prefer listening my own CD.. I prefer FM.. where there is no customization.. but actually, there is no room for customization while I am driving.. as the time spend inside the car is very small to involve myself for this customization and also there is no relax time to concentrate on the songs.. Moreover.. the talks in between the songs in FM make it more interesting than just listening to plain songs.. there are two aspects of liking those chit-chats in between the songs.. first, I like talking to people and understanding them.. and second, I like ads more as compared to the soaps or movies.. those are short, sweet, full of creativity and thus give more space to think beyond what is said within the commercial..

though I have said it many a times that I don’t like TV or I don't like having continuity in front of the TV.. I like a few serials.. I just noticed this.. normally, I like reality shows.. award functions.. action oriented channels.. some songs with FM kind of chatting.. and there are a few operas I like.. in recent era of long.. very long.. extremely long soaps.. the first one I liked was.. "kya hoga nimmo ka..".. I liked her sweet gestures.. the random events happening... there was always some surprise element in that.. and the innocence with which she was handling everything of her life.. in the most chaotic way.. I also liked when she used to talk to God.. for small.. very small things.. it was all cute.. :-)

the second one was.. "ek chabhi hai pados mein.." it has some kind of different lineup for the story.. there is some community of a locality.. and people within that locality are living like a big home.. there are people.. many people.. I love to be with people.. I love community/team type environment.. I like sharing part of the soap... and I like the girl in the serial.. she is again.. sweet.. innocent.. slightly arrogant.. but that too with a lovely sense of accepting the mistakes.. the chemistry between the girl and the guy is portrayed very well.. it gives a soothing sense and I can easily be lost in the serial..

the third one is the most recent one.. and I just watched it.. out of these three serials, this is the one which I wait for.. I was used to search Nimmo but didn't wait for it.. this is "radha ki betiyan kuchh kar dikhayengee..".. I like the family in the serial.. the love that all the people within the family share is really great.. it gives a happy feeling.. very happy.. there are different personalities of the three girls.. they are serious.. they are giggling.. they are focused but confused.. and their mother is good for everyone.. there are many hidden stories which are unfolding right now.. which are again projecting that people are sweet, actually.. this gives a sense that people in the world are not bad.. in general.. there are circumstances which might corrupt them for sometime.. but their core values are not normally bad.. when I get up after watching it.. I get a broad smile.. very big and my heart becomes very happy..

I don’t know this is the reality or just the coincidence.. all three serials are feminist.. mainly, these are the serials which deal with people.. softer aspects of the personality.. are emotional.. are not projecting any kind of ulterior motives.. are projecting love for family.. have all shades of moods of the people... still maintaining the respect and love for the people around.. have family bonding and a complete sense of happiness all around..

~be happy.. and have more core values so as to have better bonding with people around you.. love the world as it’s very lovely.. :-)

Wait.. till things settle down..

these are the quietest days of my life.. coming to office.. doing all my personal things.. reading.. reading.. thinking.. then again reading.. then when bored.. having some badmaashi with people in the office who are older as compared to their age and looks.. this gives only a limited space to me to do any kind of shaitani... hardly people come.. the classes which were always filled up with actions.. people who had endless questions about themselves and the things around their lives, have lost touch.. others were always having some formal relationship..

so sitting in the office is like shutting your mouth till the end of the day.. and having conversations for about some unearthy minutes in the day.. and the night is not also very different.. then again thinking about myself and reading.. and sometimes when i go to sleep, i wonder.. did i read or i should again.. there is some kind of restlessness of not having much of challenge... and the challenge that i have right now, is not completely dependent upon me.. then these sites, books are the best friends of mine... i dont get proper sleep nowadays.. with every kind of gittery responses the bed gives me, i am always up... no proper dreams and when i get up, i try to make myself busy with the routine activities.. have never been very much interested for the TV..

though the things here seems like in pathetic state... things are not that much on my face... i am living it as any other day.. and thinking of that.. this is the phase of life which you never think about when everything is very normal..and thanks to your that thinking.. when it comes..you start questionng yourself.. why is it the case at present?? and surely there would be no answer.. this is the 'just wait and watch' thing.. and things would change.. as nothing is permanent..then why to bother about.. no... you should bother about it in the sense of saying yourself that it too will pass..without taking any tension for that thing.. 'move on' is the best word for this state of affairs... and as you move on, things will also fall in place for the best of the situations for you..

I was reading about Gulzar today and i was shocked to read about him... i had read about him but that was very general in the sense.. i wanted to collect information about him and just wanted to read his poems.. today when i read about "so called" the truth of his life.. i am still confused.. amazed and shocked.. is it the reality of his life.. is it just a story that has turned around for him for a question for him to solve throughout his life.. is it just a prank or a divine intervention to question the poet.. but the story was properly put up and it has all the drama and emotional value attached with it.. i came to know that storywriters normally ask too many questions to go to the details and get the complete framework of the scenes happening around.. with proper questions you can thread out the set and can know the exact picture of the story.. and i think thats the reason why i ask too many things and thats the reason for Gulzar using personification in most of his verses...

Happened to read about Vivekananda as well.. though couldnt complete the entire biography.. but that showed me the restless of Vivekananda to know himself.. and finally to know the reality of the life also.. getting some random clues about yourself and being some weird indications.. having some unique,arbit things in yourself and a quest/eagerness to solve life things make you a great human being.. both these characters tell me the same thing...

so knowing things.. is very important.. and so reading is very very important..

~I think i am doing justice to my time.. till the things settle down.. improver yourself.. and keep on reading.. :-)

thinking doesn't kill you.. it kills only the sleep.. :-)

I wonder why i think so much in the night.. may be coz thats the time when someone feels very close to himself or herself and lots of things start coming to the mind in the complete silence of the surroundings.. this time i can only listen the fan and a dog barking at street..

Sometimes i feel that i am not a Virgo.. but when i read about sun sign analysis, i find many qualities which are genuinely common with me and the typical Virgo traits..one of them being, giving structure to any difficult problem.. but being non-expressive about the analysis or not able to take the decisions for things, make me believe that i am not a virgo.. may be i am a refined Virgo.. a better or worse.. i dont want to argue..

Did a similar thing today.. was quite puzzled after he had called me up.. he is an iit student.. i was not able to think how i would motivate him.. so i took the leave from any kind of indulgence with this thought process and thought that i would handle him then and there.. had gone to iit to meet him.. he was quite depressed with the state of affairs happening to him.. till half an hour i tried to get the details of all the interviews that have happened till now and then i tried to move on and give him some kind of inspirational speech.. it was not working.. he ia a shy guy and over the time he is open to me.. wanted to go to the core of the problem.. i know that he has not many interests and most of his hobbies are related to dry stuffs.. after half an hour, i asked him one question.. have you ever liked any girl in your life.. there was some kind of spark in his eyes and those were big now.. with a full broad smile on the face of the acceptance that he is a man.. and i didnt need to question that there had been only one girl in life and that too without any good conversation.. being friend is not possible till now.. even after 8 years of knowing.. this gave me a new thinking idea..

facial expressions.. all of us use some kind of facial expression everyday.. it could be saying yes by nodding or saying no also.. with a kind of big laughter or just a wink... shrugging the shoulders to say its ok... or just shedding tears every now and then.. its not just about the making faces.. to be true to your heart and a sudden reaction on your face gives the correct picture... the lie detector works on the concept of pulses but i beleive the expression detector could be a better way of solving the truth-lie dilemma..

there are moments when you cant stop crying even if you want to.. in those times you cant just think of anything else and there is nothing like anger in expressing those tears.. the genuine cry lasts for a much longer duration with all kinds of sobs after it.. plus a sad face with a low energy state .. tears with anger do not give you that kind of solace to just think about yourself.. those might give you a bad energy to do something wicked..

similarly a laughter with a cracked and fluctuating smiling face suggests that you are just showing that you are happy.. a constant after effect of being happy is that your face might be fixed at one place and that contagious smile might last even after the cause of smile is lost.. as once again its from the inside..

liking someone doesnt give you proper eye-contact and hating someone-still-being-diplomatic cant stop you being mocking, smirking, smugging at regular intervals..

the joy to do something gives you extra enegery and you could be seen doing something which you might not perform at normal hours.. after effect could be some ache.. broken bones or some doses of pain killers..

achievement gives your body a curve structure with a broad chest bulging out.. the arrogance of the same gives your eye level at the third balcony of a theatre.. winking with a smile gives some kind of mischief.. while winking with a smug gives a signal of some alterior motives..

May be i am defining too many stereotypes here... actual things might be very different.. this gives another open space to analyse things in a more subtle way.. may be i am overcriticising at times.. another quality of virgo.. haha!!!

~good that other people are also writing now.. keep it up pranky.. now time to say good night... there are too many things happening..

What is "Freeflow"!!! : Introspection

My typical day starts with some sort of door bell.. mom must be in the pooja room and someone would be there to ask for garbage.. i get up with half my eyes shut, which always get opened in the search of the keys to open the door.. its just like inzamam doing the fielding..everytime he thinks that he has got it, it just passes by.. i realise everyday, that there was so much waste at home which was something useful a day before.. is it some kind of cycle which makes you realise that nothing is going to be permanent.. everything is changing.. so, to get stuck at one thing, is not totally appreciable by anyone.. its the flexibility that dustbin teaches me every morning.. then comes some arrangement here and there.. to make home visible to others, that people at this home have already got up... then going to the balcony to show the world.. look, i dont sleep till late which most of you do... but its irony, that people who can see me that time are even more early riser.. so there is nothing to tell them...

nowadays the next phase after one cup of tea is to go for the driving..though now i am not that much frightened to see a bicycle on the road, my actions do say something else.. the uneven structure of most of the bicycles of the city and the weirdest way with which they ride on it, i am totally conscious to hit any somewhere or else.. two controvery arise.. its better safe than worry.. its better to keep a distance rather than going too close.. but then it doesnt seem like i am driving a car.. it looks more like i am driving a bicyle.. this realization tells me why people in car are not seen happy very often.. mostly its not due to the fact that they do not want to look happy.. they have got this attitude towards being so much different from the people on the road, that they want to portray themself as being better in some way.. not taking proper care of those people is one of those ways to do the same.. mostly i take this driving as a challenge, like i do for most of the things.. i decide on the risk for different types of the roads and adequately give command to the driver sahab to take care of the car at the worst places as perceived by me.. for the places where i would have to definitely drive in future, i try to give my best with the minimum feeling of the fear but more with the confidence of saying that i will surely perform this.. so, one of the first things of the day, gives me a great sense of achievement everyday.. and then the day starts with a very positive note.. this gives me a platform to make my day as perfect as possible.. it also gives me an internal motivational energy.. nowadays i am finding an energy in me, i can easily thank a person and this driving for all of this.. some people are just too good.. you can enjoy their presence and cherish the moments with them.. each and every one.. you are always not sure about the future.. whether you would be able to have the contact or even the presence in the future.. but thats ok.. at least you get to know that person.. and you should always try to make those people as close as possible... getting good people in the world is a difficult task.. getting compatible and enjoyable people is the rarest of all...

writing for the entire day would take many episodes.. would surely do..

there is a different thought that is going on my mind today.. and surprisingly that started with the song of qsqt.. "akele hain to kya gam hai..".. though i have thoght about the feeling of being possessive many a times, but today it was something else altogether.. thanks to the song only.. i happened to analyse different eras and their effect on the love life of a person.. if i talk about the people 10 years ago... people were not having different channels of communication.. like mobile or internet.. most of the conversations that happened were verbal.. when they met.. or non-verbal.. once again when they met.. and because of this, those moments were so good.. so less.. so true.. so self-satisficing.. so much pure.. and becuase of these things, you can just think about the good things about a person... you could only get only a slight suspect for that person... and this increases the trust on the other person and so decreases the sense of being possessive... this creates more pure love.. rather than, a love on demand only.. demands are the main killer for a relationship.. i cant say that exactly.. as even after removing those demands from myside, i am not able to get THE relations.. i can easily blame this on other people but it would simply be saying that you can clap with one hand... i believe that when two people start thinking in a similar manner with the same kind of freeflow for the relation, the understanding automatically becomes more strong.. there comes a sense of space and that also increases the non-possessiveness for your partner... a more freeflow relation.. its a kind of positive feedback which can get the system self-sustainable.. people who know about this feedback, for them any disturbance would be a kind of perturb and that would eventually die out without making the relation a burden... but for the people who donot understand all this, for them its like a killing poison or the positive feedback of disturbance which gets away even the relation as well..

This entire discussion needs a second part.. would write soon.. abhi to sona hai... :-)

~ Good night dear void..

A new day...

This happens to many people.. all of us have faced it somewhere.. getting the trauma and then coming out of this.. surely its not easy a task... people who are strong and positive, they portray to the outer world that they can easily cope up with the situations and are easily out of everything, but reality is that they have only minimised the sorrow,grief that they had to suffer... positivity helps them to take this setback as normal as possible.. but as all of us are human being, there is always that "presence" felt and we all fight to minimize our diversion towards that "presence" only..

Over the time things start looking better.. thats once again for the people who are positive towards life.. they always perceive the old memories as the good ones.. the bad ones are mostly removed thanks to the attitude that they have.. negativity never let a person to think about that the past was good.. for him or her, there had been all kinds of difficulties of life that they have faced and this is the first thing that they want to project for themselves.. i dont say that they want to arrange some kind of sympathy for themselves.. this feeling is always implicit... but surely, they dont have any problem with people feeling pity for them..
The people, the situations, the issues, the solution and then moving on.. life is all about it.. people who want to be multitasker, they are always busy doing all these things as fast as possible... so that they can move to the next thing of life..

now i should also move on to the next thing.. :-)

~Good day!!!

Apni kahani bol.... Glorifying Radha..a useless attempt to give word to the world's greatest lover..

There are many mythological stories which glorifies a few characters while neglecting many more.. this cannot be blamed to the writer as the writer was giving justice to the character he/she was glorifying.. but it does create a space for other writers to at least think about all those characters..

If i take the example of Radha of Krishna.. the character was properly glorified till the time she was with Krishna in Gokul.. but after that, there is only a mention of Udhav going to gokul again, to tell all gopikas including Radha that they should start worshiping the nirakar representation of The God.. but Radha takes the inititative in terms of telling udhav the proper art of loving a person.. the objective of this story was again glorifying the character of Krishna, in the sense he could easily know that all this is going to happen and by this he wanted to let udhav know, what is the meaning of true devotee to the God..

But what happened before or after all this to Radha... noone knows, or we dont care to know all about it... lets take a hypothetical situation where we are writing about Radha.. Radha was a very very happy person.. she didnt know when she had started loving krishna.. she was always overwhelmed with the personality of Krishna.. they were always together and there was sense of slefless love and a sense of comfort that the best person of the world was with her.. the sign of contentment was there.. the total happiness and nothing else was always there with Radha.. then the time had come when Krishna had to leave Gokul and had to go to Mathura.. Krishna, who was the innocent and pure lover as he was THE person and THE lover, he didnt say anything harsh to her. it would have been very very upsetting for her to leave him... there would have only a comfort zone and a promise that kept Radha waiting for Krishna.. there was a completer care, otherwise Radha wont have been remembering Krishna after a long he had gone.. she was very sure that he would come back, as there was nothing demanding in that relationship.. its been true to yourself and understaing the other person at its best possible way.. giving the full time perform one's duty and still being patient enough to wait for endless days and still being hopeful to get a glimpse of his presence.. if i consider and comapre the love of Radha to any other gopika... the relation of Radha was the purest and thats why only she could be called as the lover of Krishna... having been caught so many hearts, being married to so many Ranis, The love of Krishna with Radha was the undisputalby the best of the world.. there were some kind of possessiveness in every kind of the relationship that any of the gpoikas were having.. as soon as udhav had come, each and every one had started showing her love.. everyone wanted her share.. everyone wanted her own Krishna.. everyone was looking outside for her love.. everyone wanted to show that her love was the greatest of all the time.. there was a fight... there was a competition.. but love doesnt ask for competition.. its always there in giving and not asking in return.. only the ask is to not to forget and respect the feelings..its based upon the self-respect. not on the grounds of ego.. thats why only she was able to show the correct picture of love to udhav.. and had influenced him to the core to love Krishna like she was loving him..

I believe that the work assigned to her was complete by Krishna's grace after this.. and Krishna must have given her mokhsha after this.. but she wont have asked for it and in the end Krishna must have given her the place in his heart.. she must have left Gokul and noone could have ever wondered about where she had gone.. they could have always guessed it, which would have been wrong everytime.. as to understand such kind of love, you have to first of all leave all grudges and look in the eyes of the one you love with the best of the self respect possible.. and then take the relationship forward to the end of the life to the happiest moments of the life together and beyond...

I love this kind of selfless love..

Let there be love all around.. and life becomes worthwhile loving the way the life loves each and every loving creature of the lovely world created by the love of universe, the God herself...

Tujhe sab hai pata na......

After a long long time i am here.. Though wanted to write for a long but didnt feel so much of drive from inside me.. I want people to improve, i want to give my best, i try very very hard.. Sometimes it goes beyond my limitations.. handling so many people, so many problems, and still trying to get the best solution is always very difficult.. changing your reference is very good but there is a limit of efficiency.. Can i do it everytime??? i am not perfect.. i am not God.. i have my own limitations.. but i set very high standards for myself.. and try to achieve it as well.. i care for certain people.. for others i just want to give my best.. for whom i care, i always want to see them happy... but once again its not possible for them as well to be happy all the time.. i too donot want them not to fluctuate.. but then.. please have faith on me.. i am not perfect.. but i would be a good listener.. thats a promise and i am sure that i would do it..

But dont you think thats its an expectation from the other person that he/she should have faith on you.. why?? let them have it or not.. thats completely on them.. your task is to do what you think that you are supposed to do.. but once again.. being a supporter and a listener is again my task.. I just want people to be happy and as they are.. nothing else.. mujhe sab to nahi pata.. bas itna hee pata hai.. that "Smile is contagious.. so spread it around.. and for that just smile.. nothing more than that... "

~Keep Smiling.. :-)